Charlie is here!

Charlotte Lynn Marie
Born September 17, 2011
20 inches, 7.6 lbs

Here is the birthday video that Jason made for Charlotte, as is now tradition in our family.  I can't believe it has taken so long to get anything up online, we have been so busy getting used to having three kids, and having a baby in the house again... it's definitely a big adjustment ;)

She is such a pleasure to have.  I adore her tiny little-ness, and her coos and squeaks.  I forgot how much I love newborns, especially when they are mine.  The birth and delivery went fast and smooth, and is a good story to tell...which I will soon.  Her two middle names are after my sisters and my grandma, Laura Lynn, Emma Marie, and my Granny- Marie Deimler.  I have loved the name Charlotte since I was a young girl and read a book called Charlie, and I am so happy Jason loved the name as much as I did.  She is perfect, and so far really healthy.  I have loved every minute I have spent getting to know her, and these past three weeks have flown by so fast.  The only sad thing about finally having her here is now my baby boys seem so big and old.  I swear Harry aged three years over night, he's not so little anymore.

Charlie is just over a little three weeks old, the time is already slipping through my fingers.  She is growing longer, and plumping up a little.  I am so so sad I haven't taken as many pictures of her as I did with the boys.  I missed a lot of her teeny tiny newborn-ness (it makes me cry just thinking of it -hormones probably- I will never get those days back). 

I am just so happy she is finally here, and I am so glad to have a girl in the house.  She is a blessing.  She is a good baby, sleeps well and eats well, and so far loves me the most :)

I have been truly blessed as a Mother, I am so LUCKY.

Thank you to Jason, for making this sweet video. 

 He is such a good and proud Daddy, and he loves his new little girl.

Clark Talks

After posting something funny that Clark said, on Facebook, a friend of mine said, "Make sure you are writing all these things down so you don't forget". So here I am, hoping to remember to make a post every now and then of Clark's silliness.


A couple weeks ago there was definitely one for the books.  Clark spent the entire evening trying to convince us to put up the "trist-mis tree" so Santa could come.  He was reminding us where we had it up last year, and trying to get me to go in the garage to get it.  Looks like someone is getting present hungry.  I told him we have to have Halloween and Thanksgiving first... to which he replied, "oh, oooooooo kaaaaay Mom".

Lately whenever the door bell rings he thinks it is Baby Sister coming to visit.  He will run to the door, shouting " Baby Sisser is heeeerrrreeee".  It seems he is getting just as anxious as the rest of us, wondering when she is going to get here.  (Obviously this was before Baby Sister was actually here...but now she is.)

Jason thinks it is so funny when Clark, after not getting his way, balls up his little fists and stomps away saying, "I'm So mad".  I think it is bratty, and a little dramatic.... okay, and I guess a little funny too.

Clark loves to pray, at meals and bed time he has to go first.  He prays for everything, what he did that day,  what he wants to do the next day... sometimes he just names the things around the room.  The other night before dinner he was praying, after blessing his friend A-yori (Allori) and making some sort of bargain with God about picking up his toys and playing his video game (it was kinda hard to follow), he prayed for the food, "please bless the water and the ice, but not this yucky dinner".  We were having lasagna.  Apparently he did not like it, haha.  I love listening to him pray.  We don't prompt him as much as we used to, and I love it when he remembers to bless his family and friends.  It is very sweet.

A day or so after we came home from the hospital, with baby sister,  Clark walked in on my breast feeding the baby.  After a little giggle he said, "Oh, is Charlie drinking the water?"  And I said no, its milk.  He thought about it for awhile, giggled again, and then asked me for chocolate milk.

Back To School Night

Last night was back to school night at the boys school.  I was anxious to go and hear how they were both adjusting.  It has been a hectic two weeks, and I think we are all mostly adjusted to our new schedule, but I wanted to make sure the boys were doing okay at school too.
Clark was so excited to go show me his class, and his teacher.  I was so surprised at how well behaved he was in his class, a totally different Clark.  His teacher, Ms. Molly, said he is good at school (shocking).  He listens, and follows directions very well.  I honestly couldn't believe it.  I can't get him to listen to me at all, and it takes me forever to get him to do the simplest thing at home.  I guess if he is going to be good, and kind, the best place for him to do it is at school.  She also commented on how smart he is.  He can figure things out so fast, and is far above the other kids in his class.  She also doesn't seem to notice any issues with him focusing on things, or paying attention.... something I worry about all the time.  Sometimes I suspect he has ADD, just like his Dad did growing up (Clark and Jason are exactly the same sometimes), but his teacher said she hasn't noticed any red flags yet.  I am so happy he is doing so well... and a little relieved.
Harry's teacher, Ms. Jeni, is the sweetest.  She said Harry has his good days and bad days.  For one day of him being happy and not crying, and even participating a little, there are two or three days of tantrums, and head banging...and him just being miserable.  He seems to be happy on the bus (except for today he was really upset to leave), but as soon as he gets to school he gets upset.  She, Ms. Jeni, is so good with him. I can tell she just wants him to be happy and safe.  She has been trying so many different things with him, and is really getting the other therapists in the school involved.  She has the Occupational Therapist come in every day, to hold him and work with him.  She was telling me how the other day he spent all morning crying, and she was trying a new game with the kids that got Harry to laugh, and that she said was worth it all.  I was so touched, not something I would expect a teacher to say.  I am hoping in a couple more weeks Harry will be used to his new routine, and maybe be on a better sleep schedule.
I am so happy the boys are doing well, or as well as can be expected.  I am so happy with the school, and teachers this year, much more than last year.  Harry's teacher sends me notes home everyday, and I really feel like they care about my whole family.

First Day of School!

We were all very nervous for the first day of school, well everyone but Clark.  I was worried for Harry, and worried Baby Sister would come and I would miss it.  Harry was just plain nervous about everything, it was all too new for him.  And Jason was worried about everyone, but mostly about Harry. The Friday before school started was meet your teacher day; Clark loved his new teacher and classroom and showed off his mad Lego building skills, Harry screamed, tried to bite us and wanted nothing to do with it.  I cried the whole time... not because I didn't want them to go to school, but don't want Harry to miserable and sad all day.  And I didn't want people to be mean to him, or not like him...because he was the bad kid who cries and bites.  Oy! I was a mess.  (Very embarrassing.)

I don't think anyone slept the night before school, well except Clark, he is such a good boy.  

Daddy and Harry. 

 I like this picture, because you can't see or hear how bad Harry was crying.

So many tears. 

 I think he was mostly just mad to be away from his morning routine.  Things were too new, and Harry has such a hard time with transitions.  Also, I don't think he liked wearing his back-pack.

This is how we had to drop him off.  We just handed him to the teacher, and sort of ran away.

Nothing we could do.

I was sick to my stomach.

Harry was crying, I was crying... and even Clark was crying, 

because he didn't understand that he was going to afternoon school and had to wait a few more hours.  

It was a very stressful morning, poor Jason did a good job holding us altogether.

Clark very smiley and excited for school.  I love his enthusiasm and love of learning.  

He waited all morning by the door, with his back-pack on.  

Jason gave him a watch to keep track of time, and he knew when the little hand got to 11 that it was time to go.  

I'm so proud of him!  I think he is going to get so much from pre-school this year.  He has been learning so much lately, and retains the information better.  His talking has improved a 100 times, and I know the routine of school will only help.  There are still a lot of things he still needs to work on, like being understood when he talks.  His little mind moves so fast I think it is hard for him to get the words out fast enough to keep up, it makes him hard to understand (most of the time).  I also hope he learns how to listen and follow directions better.  We worked on it all summer, but I wasn't very successful.

This picture makes me laugh so so much.  

For some reason this summer he has forgotten how to smile.  It's always this weird cheesy fake smile.

((This picture reminds me of that episode of Friends when Chandler has to take engagement pictures with Monica and can't smile.))

There is my handsome BIG boy!

Praying for another good year at school.

Clark and Mommy waiting to pick up Harry, and for Clark's turn for school.

The bus system we so messed up the first day, so we opted to just take the boys to school, 

and have them start the bus when things got more organized.

Is that a hint of a smile???  I think so.

The second day of school start out much better than the first.  

He even seemed a little happy waiting for the bus.

Cute little nugget waiting for his bus.

Watching the bus approach.  He was so curious.

He was tugging on my hand like he was scared and nervous, and I could tell the noise of the bus was really bothering him...  BUT he got on the bus, on his own (mostly) without any crying.  I was afraid he would lose it when I didn't get in the bus with him, but he did a very very well.  And his teacher even told me he wasn't crying when he got off the bus! Succsess!

My big boy on the bus.  Not happy or excited, yet, but we will get there.

We survived the first week of school.

I really like the boys teachers a lot!

Harry's teacher, Ms. Jeni, writes me a note everyday telling me how he did.  

There has been less and less crying and head banging.  She said he likes computer time a lot, 

and doesn't seemed bothered being seat-belted in the chair for circle time.  

Even though it is such a crazy schedule, having the boys coming and going at different times (I see the bus driver 4 times a day!), I like that I get to have alone time with each of them during the day.  It is so good for Clark, and for Harry, to have that one on one time with Mommy,

 and time to de-stress without them bothering each other. 

It is going to be so busy when Baby Sister comes, 

I am glad she let us have the first week to get used to things :)  

But she is welcome to come anytime now.  

((For reals baby, GET OUT!))

Wordless Wednesday-Funny Faces

August 23, 2011

Mommy and Clark

Mommy

Excited Mommy, and a slightly happy Harry.

Warrior Games

Jason made this video from when he volunteered at the Warrior Games in Colorado earlier this year.

He loved going and volunteering, he talked about it for weeks and weeks after wards.  I know he is looking forward to going again next year.  He likes that the job he is doing now allows him to help out with Navy Safe Harbor,  they are such a good group that do good for a lot of people.  I am proud of all the work he does for our family, he is such a good Dad and husband,
 and I am thankful that he can even enjoy some of it from time to time.

All the pictures and video he took came from he cell phone.  Cool huh?

Oh! The cuteness of Harry.

Sweet little Harry.

He is the cutest!

He is still cute, even when he cries.

Striking a pose by the car.  Looking so grown-up, and handsome.

Looking cute all ready for church, with his spiky hair -which by the way, he hates.

I love you little nugget.

Evacu-cation

Last weekend the Bosko Family had ourselves a little evacuation-vacation.  With hurricane Irene heading our way, a feisty baby who won't stop giving me contractions, and the potential of Jason having to leave for work any minute, we decided it would be safer to get out of town.  Thankfully Jason's work let him come with us... sometimes it's nice to have the pregnancy card to play :)
We drove north-west, to Harrisonburg, VA, with some of our friends
 and had a nice little weekend away.

Daddy and Clark chilling in the motel, Motel 6 that is.  Good thing we found a vacancy.  So many hotels were booked with other people escaping the storm (one of the reasons we had to travel so far out). Almost everyone in our hotel was from the Hampton Roads area, except our neighbors, the traveling Mariachi band from Indiana.

Harry reading his books.
Harry doesn't always do well with new situations, but he seemed good this time around.  I don't know if it was because we didn't spend a lot of time in the room, or if its because we went with some friends too, but he seemed happier.  The funny thing is, earlier that week we snuck along with Jason on a work trip to DC.  Harry had a miserable time in that hotel (and it was much much nicer).  Maybe since we already had a practice run, he realized that we weren't going to be gone too long, and we would be home soon.

Clark has really started to enjoying drawing.  I love to watch him concentrate, and he is pretty good.  He certainly has his Dad's imagination and artistic abilities (since I have none, haha).

Hiding in the shelf. 

Jumping on the bed!!!

The next day, when the storm was scheduled to hit Virginia Beach, we took the kids to the local Children's Museum.  We had planned to go swimming, but it was a bit stormy outside.  

I am sure all of Harrisonburg was delighted with all the extra business.  

The people at the Children's Museum said it had never been so busy.  

Harry enjoyed exploring things and different toys, and playing with Thomas the Train.

Clark had fun making an art project, running around like a crazy person, and milking Bessie the cow.

(Papa Deimler would be so proud.)

Towards the evening we started losing power in certain parts of town, as the storm got close, but we were safe, and having lots of fun.

Harry enjoying the ride home, watching Daddy's iPod.
We had to stop at six different lunch places on the way home, before we could find one with power, but luckily enough our house had power when we got home.  There was no damage at all, just a messy yard with twigs and leaves all around.  The sun was shining so bright, you couldn't even tell it had rained the day before.  We were very fortunate the storm wasn't stronger and there wasn't more damage where we lived... and also that I didn't have the baby early in a strange town during a storm.
Our first real hurricane, and evacu-cation.

Baby Sister

Remember that one time I blogged that I was going to have an ultrasound to find out the sex of the baby???  Then I never blogged about it.  

I am so forgetful and lazy, haha.  

Well, the suspense is over, it's a GIRL!

(I am sure most of you know that by now.)

To be honest I wasn't super thrilled about scanning the pictures to download and share, since they weren't very good.  The technician that did my ultrasound was in such a hurry.  But she did get a cute little foot, and a pretty decent profile pic.  I also didn't want to share her crotch shot, but Daddy scanned the pictures (that is also why two are upside down) and I am too tired to figure out how to fix it. 

So, there you go... pictures our our baby girl, only about 16 weeks late.

Today I am exactly 37 weeks.  Technically the baby can come any day now.  Harry came when I was 37 weeks, and 5 days, so maybe she will be a little early too. This baby has been giving me a lot of contractions, or braxton hicks, almost everyday.  In fact the day before the hurricane came I was up all night long with contractions... and if this wasn't my third baby (and I knew better) I would've gone to the hospital a couple of times by now sure she was coming.  Good thing this isn't my first...

She is growing very nicely.  I'm measuring just like I am supposed to, and at every appointment I have they say she has a good strong heart beat.  She feels very long to me, sometimes when she stretches, I can feel her pushing the limits of her little home.  

I am still as moody as ever, she really makes me stress about every little thing... I don't like that.  With the boys I felt more relaxed and happy about everything, with this baby I feel on edge all the time.  Not many weird cravings, except for fast food hamburgers and Mexican food.  I have to get a Sonic or Wendy's hamburger at least 3 or 4 times a week or I feel like I am going to die.  And all I want is Tex-Mex, Mexican food.  I almost cried with the other day when we went up to DC and I got to stop at my two favorite Mexican places, Chevy's and Cafe Rio.  My Cafe Rio salad never, ever, tasted so good.

I haven't gained any weight yet, at all.  Well... I've gained 3 pounds... but if you count the 18+ pounds I lost at the beginning, I am still 15 pounds ahead.  Not bad for my last (well, so far...) pregnancy.  Hopefully by the time she comes I will still be ahead of the curve, and I will weigh less when she is born than when I got pregnant...not very many people can say that.  I am so confused as to why I haven't gained much weight, they assure me she is growing on schedule, and I eat, ALL THE TIME. 

 But I am not going to complain.

Daddy and Clark painting the baby's room.

After 3 coats of paint, and a lot organizing and assembling, the baby's room is done... and it is very girly.

I never really got to decorate a baby room for Clark and Harry, so this was a lot of fun for me.

The room was a baby blue color (painted by the owners before) so it took a lot of paint to cover it.

We went with pale yellow color, like butter.  I love it so much.

She also has her own closet!  Clark and Harry never did, since in Hawaii we only had one closet, haha.

 I loved organizing it and hanging up her dresses and clothes (I know I am a dork).

Baby's crib, and the rocking chair Jason got me for Mother's day.

Guest bed and cute pictures Auntie Carol got for the baby.

I love the way the light looks in the room, so bright and airy.

And it is so fun to have girly things in the house.

(Boy! I am really praying she is still a little girl in there!)

I feel like I am all ready for her to come.  The hospital bag is backed, I have baby-sitters lined up for the boys (God, I hope Harry can handle that!)  The house is as clean as it is ever going to get, with my three messy boys.  And my uterus has had about as much as it can take.  

I just hope she waits for the boys to get started in school next week!

I am so excited to meet her, and hold her, and bring her home.  I am so done being pregnant, all the heart-burn and waddling are wearing me down.  I'm excited to start our new life and routine, and get my body back (and hopefully a healthier body this time around).  

I pray she is healthy, and whole, and strong.

The other day Jason and I were talking baby things, and I was telling him how disconnected I felt with this pregnancy, more so than I did with Clark and Harry.  I don't know if it is because I was so sick at the beginning -and like it or not, I do tend to hold grudges- or if I am so busy and consumed with the boys that I don't think about it as much as I did the first couple times.  It is such a weird feeling.  I've been more overwhelmed with the thought of having three kids, than I have been excited about it.  

But nevertheless, I am dying to meet her!  

Not so excited about the labor and delivery part (since Harry's birth was such a nightmare) 

but I want to see her tiny little face.

It is a good thing we knew and agreed at the right time, that there was another baby waiting for us :)

This is a sweet little picture of Harry saying hello to the baby sister.

(Or curious of all that extra blubber on Mommy's tummy.)

Harry has not been too interested in all things baby, and mostly he is annoyed there is less and less room on my lap for him to sit and bounce.  I was glad he took a minute to gently say hello, maybe he knows she is coming.  I hope he is happy to meet her.

Clark, on the other hand, is very excited.  He is always asking me when she is coming, and when we are going to get her.  In fact when we were driving home the other day, from our evacu-cation, he kept saying we were going to get baby sister.  

He talks and sings to my tummy all the time, and he thinks it is hilarious when she moves.

I am excited to introduce her to her big brothers. 

We have already chosen a name, in fact we've had it in the back of our minds for a few years, and even though I am 98% its her name, its hard for me to say for sure...only because there are so many cute girl names I want to use... and most likely this will be our last baby.

Also, I am afraid if I announce the name, more than I already have, 

I will jinx it and she will be a boy, haha.

This will be my last pre-baby blog.  Unless I can get my act together and take some pregnancy photos.

We are ready for her!

Are you????

 I hope we can be a good family for her, and give her all she needs.  

I pray the delivery goes smoothly, and no complications...

and hopefully a good strong epidural :)

Wish us luck!

A Mini Jason

Sometimes I am astounded how much Clark is like me, and Jason.  I don't really see it in his looks, although everyone says he looks like Jason.  But I do see it in his expressions, and his especially his personality and attitude.
He is all me when it comes to his attitude, temper, and moodiness.  

We (Clark and I) don't like to be told what to do, or when to do it.  Just like his Momma, he can sleep in all day, today he didn't even get up til 11am.  When he is mad, he is mad and there is nothing you can do to change his mind. 

But like his Daddy, he is easy to laugh, and loves to joke around, always thinking everything is a game. He can go all day long, as long as we are doing something fun.  Such a sense of adventure.  He is eager to please and happy, just like Jason too.  And he loves to be around people.  

He is just a cute little mini Jason, with a dash of his Mom's orneriness.

Wordless Wednesday-Red Doors

August 27, 2001

Gorgeous red doors we found on a Catholic church in Harrisonburg, VA.

On the street outside.

So pretty.  

Someday I'm going to have red doors like that.

When I buy my castle.

 In Scotland.

Sports???

The other day Clark had a doctor appointment, to get some vaccinations for school.  

This is a real conversation that happend between Clark and the doctor.

Dr:  Do you like to play sports?

Clark:  Yes

Dr:  What do you like to play?

Clark:  Star Wars.

Dr:  Oh really. (giggle) Who do you play with?

Clark:  With my light saber.

Dr:  (Just laghing now, and I'm sure wonering what kind of parents we are).

Looks like we need to play ball a little more often.

Watch this. Now.

So moving.

I really feel like I can identify with this fathers message.

Word for word.

This may be his story, about his daughter... 

but in a way it is my story too, 

and every one who has an Autistic child.

I find it so perplexing, with how common it is these days... that it still feels so isolating.
Maybe because each child on the spectrum is so different, every parent feels like they have it harder.
I don't know.
I sometimes feel so alone in the struggle, like no one understands how hard it is, for me... and especially for Harry.  BUT there are so many parents (just like Lou in the video above) who feel the exact same way.  It is comforting to know I am not alone, not that I ever really thought I was, but it is nice to know there are other people out there who feel the way I do.
It doesn't make the day to day things easier, but it helps.

I am thankful for the tremendous family support I have, and understanding from my friends.

 .

Wordless Wednesday-Big Scary Spider

August 7, 2011

Look what we found in our backyard.

Needless to say, Jason had a slight panic attack.

I kinda is pretty, you know... for a spider.

I am hoping this encourages Jason to do the yard work more often.

I don't know what kind it is, but Jason was sure it was going to kill us all in our sleep.

Either way.  It's dead.  And Jason has sprayed the house 3 times since.

Now, if I could get rid of all the ants we have.

Different, but not less.

The past couple weeks I have been reading the book, Thinking In Pictures by Temple Grandin.  It is probably one of the most fascinating and insightful books I have ever read.  Every night when I would read another passage, I would feel as if my eyes were opened a little more.  Even though much of the information wasn't new to me, the way she explained it, made it easier for me to take in, and apply it in my life... and in Harry's life.  I can not express how much reading this book had changed my view, on a lot of things.  This book opened my eyes, to all of the possibles out there (and also not just for Harry or others with Autism, but certainly more so)... not that I didn't know they were there before, but sometimes when you are down in the trenches, it is hard to see the silver lining.
I admire Ms. Grandin, and her passion.  The book explains how she thinks, and how other individuals with Autism may or may not think.  It also documents how the unique way she thinks propelled her career, and allowed her to see things from another view, a cow's eye view.
Since last summer I have had her HBO movie on my dvr.  I have stopped and started it many many times.  Most of the time to overwhelmed by how close it hit to home to finish it.  Today I finally finished it, and I am so glad I did (I am also just as glad I read the book before watched it).  I thought it was nothing short of brilliant.  It showed perfectly the way she thinks, and how much she fought to be heard, and understood.  Going through her many symbolic doors, to a new world and new challenges.  It is very inspiring, not just for those with Autism, but us "normal" folk as well.

I have spend the better part of this last year coming to terms with Harry's Autism diagnosis.  Then, even when I thought I came to terms, and I embraced it, and I decided to fight for and help Harry, I still had to come to terms with the fact that he may never be able to express the genius that is hidden inside of him.  He may never speak, or be able to explain to me how he sees things, or what his hidden passions will be.  He may never get past his sensory issues enough to be a part of everyday life, school, colleges, relationships.  This time next year Harry could be talking in sentences, asking me for things, laughing at jokes, singing songs... or he could be exactly the same.  Seeking comfort in his blankets, and being alone, and hardly ever participating with the family.  This has been something that I have really struggled with.  I can get over the little every day things, if I know where we are going to end up, but it is so hard not knowing.  I have to believe it will be something more, something great...even something "normal".  And just as much as I have to believe that, I think I also need to be okay with the fact that he may not be those things.  He may always live with us, or maybe a group home.  He may never go to college, or even a main stream school, he may never serve a mission.  We don't know.  And I think now I am okay with that.  It took awhile to get there, and some days are better than others, but we are all okay with it now.

I am really so excited for this next year.  It is going to be scary, stressful, nerve racking, and hard for all of us, BUT it also holds so much hope.  I'm excited to see how Harry is going to do it school.  I am excited to start his ABA therapy (just as soon as I find someone, I am thinking October).  I am praying for positive change, and a better understanding of my little guy.  I am excited to learn new ways to teach and help him (and hopefully more energy to do so after I have the baby).  I feel like I understand now, more than I did before, how important it is to introduce my children to as many opportunities as possible. Different ways to look at the world around them.  It seems like such a simple concept, and it was something I already knew, but I feel more ready and able to do it. (It is so hard to explain).  I pray, whole-heartedly, that I can be the Mother that my children need, meet their different needs.

So in conclusion, read the book.  Whether you know someone who is Autistic or not, whether you think you know all about it or not... I think it will change the way you see things.

Sorry Mom, Sorry.

So Clark has this new thing that he does, all the time, that is really cute... 

and also really annoying.  

He apologizes, for everything... everything.
You must think I am crazy for saying that is annoying, but just you listen and decide for yourself.

I can't even look cross eyed at him without him apologizing profusely at me.

"Sorry Mom, sorry."  In this whiny manipulating voice. "Be happy Mom, I'm sorry, BE HAPPY."

And the way he says it, with this overly apologetic tone, so dramatic... I have no idea where he learned how to act like that.  Also, I have no idea where this "be happy" thing came from.  But I have to be happy and smiling all the time.  If not, then we start the "I'm sorry and be happy" speech all over again.

It makes me feel like such a monster.
Like I am so mean to him all the time,
and he feels the need to just constantly walk around saying he is sorry. 

The other day he spilled a drink in the car.  I didn't say anything. I wasn't even mad.  I didn't even sigh in exasperation.  I just said oh well.  And he went on and on, "I'm sorry Mom, be happy, I'm sorry Mom, be happy".  Until I lost it, and I yelled, with the huge fake smile on my face, "I am happy, now shut up".

Nice one Mom.  Geez.  I just can't win.  I wasn't even mad...

This new phase makes disciplining him so hard.  Because instead of listening to me, he is so concerned that I am smiling and happy, that I can't even be stern or lecture him about something.  

I really don't know where any of this came from, or why it started.  I feel like I am happy a lot.  I am way lenient with him, and I hardly discipline him like I should.  We are a loud family, so I do yell probably more than I should, but most of the time it is not out of anger... I am just trying to be heard over all the noise.
I have been trying to check myself more lately, so I guess that is good, I try to not get as frustrated, and be calmer.  I just hate the feeling that I am being manipulated by a 4 year old.

Oy.  I'm just hoping this phase passes quickly.  I am tired of trying to reassure him that I am happy all the time.  And I really wish I could just give him a time out with it becoming such a huge production. 

Harry vs. The Babysitters

Apparently we can not leave Harry with a baby sitter any more.  

He used to be so good when we would drop him off at places, 

mostly cause we only use our friends and people the boys are comfortable with.  

However, the last couple of times we took Harry to a babysitter, he would scream the whole time.  When I went to Harry Potter a few weeks ago he spent the entire time by my friends door, screaming and banging his head on the floor.  I mostly thought he didn't like where we were taking him.  Maybe there were too many kids, or some strange thing was setting him off.  But then other day I dropped him off at my girl friends house, someone he likes a lot and sees multiple times a week, and he still cried and yelled the whole time.  He has never done that before at their house, not so much fun for them.

There is really nothing you can do when Harry decides he doesn't like something, nothing at all.  Sometimes you can bribe him with food or a change of scene, but most of the time you just have to ride the tantrum out.  And the tantrums are never pretty.  There is screaming and wailing, and gnashing of teeth.

It can be scary, and I have the bruises to prove it.

I wonder what the change has been.  

It started sometime this summer, he never had issues with sitters before. 

I wonder.... maybe he is just missing me!  Do you think???  

Is it possible that he actually likes me??  

You would think, and I hope, that he would acknowledge that he likes me when I am actually around, rather than giving me a cold shoulder all the time.  

I guess he would just rather wait, and torture the kind people who watch him, to show me his love.

Oh well.  

We don't go out that much anyway, and soon even less than we already do when the little baby comes.

 Maybe we can look for a new sitter that will come to the house, 

and maybe that will help him not be so angry when we leave.  

But for know I will just be happy to know that he likes me, even if it's just a little.

Happy Birthday to ME!

A couple years ago I made a Bucket List.  Since it was my birthday a few days ago I decided to re-visit that list, see how far I've come, change what I wanted, add some new ones.  

There is no better time than on your birthday to re-evaluate where you have been, 
and where you are headed.

Here is the old one, June 2009:

"Travel Europe...Scotland, Germany, Italy, England.

Sing with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir...like join it, you know.

Learn to knit, and make my family matching hats and scarves.

Run a marathon.  I would like my first one to be the Honolulu Marathon, but I am not that picky.  I just want to be a runner.

Write a book.

Write another book, that doesn't suck.

Make quilts, I want to be a quilter.

Swim with the sharks. 

Own a home...our own home.

Learn to speak another language...Spanish, French, I am not to sure yet?

Visit and attend as many Temples as possible, all over the world (right now I have 6 different ones under my belt, in three different states).

Go sky diving.

Get a Masters Degree in anything.

Go to Africa.

Be debt free, and financially secure.

Have a big family...maybe 4 or 5 kids.  (Ahh, did I just say that out loud!?)

Be a guest judge on the Iron Chef America.

Road Trip across America."

Most of them are still the same.  Some of them I have no interest in anymore.  

Some I accomplished!!!
 I have become a quilter, I think.  I am not super good, but practice makes perfect.  I have made 3 quilts so far.  And I am even in a quilting club that meets once a month.  It is something I really enjoy, and when I have time, I love to see a project to come together.   Right now I am working on my first real quilt, that has a pattern, not just squares, and I'm starting a block of the month project next month.  So goal accomplished, I say :)
I don't really care about swimming with the sharks or learning a new language anymore.  It would be cool, but there is other things I would rather spend my time on.  
Also, we did kinda travel across America last summer, we hit 19 states!
I'm going to take a lot of the travel goals off, cause really I just want to travel as much as possible, I don't care where.  We also saw a lot a temples on our way across country, but I would like to keep that goal forever.  We are no where closer to being debt free, but I did finally make a new plane, a 3 year plan, with Jason last week.  And we are working on the big family thing ;)  Our newest addition will be here in about 8 weeks!

Here is my new one, July 2011:

Travel Europe...Scotland, Italy, France, Greece.

Join the Mormon Tabernacle Choir.

Learn to knit and crochet.

Run a marathon, or even a half marathon.

Write a book, that doesn't suck.  

Visit and attend as many temples as possible, all over the world.

Get a Masters Degree.

Be debt free!

Be a published photographer, I don't care where, but my blog doesn't count :)

Be a guest judge on Iron Chef America.
Watch the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade, in NYC.
Go sky diving.
Be a size 10. (Weight loss goals are going to consume my next year.)
Read more, 75 books by my next birthday.
I would like to have my own business.  Some way to make my own money, something creative.  It doesn't have to be big, just something I can do on the side of my family life.

There you go, my new bucket list.  A lot to work on. 

It is so weird to me to be 31.  It seems so old, but I don't feel any different.  

I had such a nice birthday.  Jason surprised me with a beautiful bouquet of roses, and some fun gift cards.  My awesome friends came over to help me paint the baby's room, and we had a pizza party.  And for a big surprise, Jason got me a new phone!  I wasn't expecting any other gifts since he gave me the flowers in the morning. But after he got home from work he had Clark give it to me.  Clark was so sweet, he was hiding it behind his back and said, "Mommy, I have a prize for you" all bashful and quiet like.  I was half asleep on the couch and I thought he was just going to give me a toy, or a picture he drew.  Then he threw my new phone at me, and laughed.  It was funny, and I was confused, and so surprised.

Jay is always so thoughtful when it comes to holidays and gifts, I am pretty lucky.  
It may take him 4 weeks to mow the lawn, that has grown past our ankles.  And his half of the bedroom may look like he is competing to be the next subject on an episode of Hoarders.  And he never, EVER, listens to me.  

BUT he is thoughtful, and kind, and he really always tries to spoil me... even when we are supposed to be saving money.  He is a good man, and a good Dad, and I am happy.

We also had a nice little dinner with some friends.  Fajitas and guacamole!  My friend Trisha surprised me, and made me favorite cake in the world, Granny's Apple Cake!   She even called my Mom to get the recipe. (She spoils me to no end, and I am thankful to have such a sweet friend.)  The kids played in the pool outside, and we just enjoyed each others company.  Simple, laid back, and fun.  

The only thing missing was my sisters, and  family other members.  

A great birthday!

Last night as I was falling asleep,
 I was thinking that next year on my birthday I will have 3 kids.

Crazy.

Baby Shower!

Last weekend my bestie Trisha (and her sister), threw me a Baby Shower!  

It was so unbelieveably sweet, girlie, pretty, and fun.

Me and Trisha

Super cute diaper cake and decorations.

They had made a little clothesline, and pinned baby clothes on it, that I got to take home!

Trisha always makes tasty food, but these cupcakes were one of her best!

Salted carmel, chocolate cupcakes, with little Heath Bar candies on top... to die for.

After I ate all the guacamole, and we played some fun games, I opened presents.

 Look! A cool video monitor, so I can watch the babe while she sleeps.

I got a lot of cute clothes, a quilt from my friends in my Quilting Club, and some very useful items.

It was so fun, and I am so thankful for my friends.

I really never thought I would have another baby shower (after Clark's), so it was a nice surprise.

 I felt so spoiled.  

And I am really overwhelmed with graditude for my friends.