Oh! The cuteness of Harry.

Sweet little Harry.

He is the cutest!

He is still cute, even when he cries.

Striking a pose by the car.  Looking so grown-up, and handsome.

Looking cute all ready for church, with his spiky hair -which by the way, he hates.

I love you little nugget.

Watch this. Now.

So moving.

I really feel like I can identify with this fathers message.

Word for word.

This may be his story, about his daughter... 

but in a way it is my story too, 

and every one who has an Autistic child.

I find it so perplexing, with how common it is these days... that it still feels so isolating.
Maybe because each child on the spectrum is so different, every parent feels like they have it harder.
I don't know.
I sometimes feel so alone in the struggle, like no one understands how hard it is, for me... and especially for Harry.  BUT there are so many parents (just like Lou in the video above) who feel the exact same way.  It is comforting to know I am not alone, not that I ever really thought I was, but it is nice to know there are other people out there who feel the way I do.
It doesn't make the day to day things easier, but it helps.

I am thankful for the tremendous family support I have, and understanding from my friends.

 .

Different, but not less.

The past couple weeks I have been reading the book, Thinking In Pictures by Temple Grandin.  It is probably one of the most fascinating and insightful books I have ever read.  Every night when I would read another passage, I would feel as if my eyes were opened a little more.  Even though much of the information wasn't new to me, the way she explained it, made it easier for me to take in, and apply it in my life... and in Harry's life.  I can not express how much reading this book had changed my view, on a lot of things.  This book opened my eyes, to all of the possibles out there (and also not just for Harry or others with Autism, but certainly more so)... not that I didn't know they were there before, but sometimes when you are down in the trenches, it is hard to see the silver lining.
I admire Ms. Grandin, and her passion.  The book explains how she thinks, and how other individuals with Autism may or may not think.  It also documents how the unique way she thinks propelled her career, and allowed her to see things from another view, a cow's eye view.
Since last summer I have had her HBO movie on my dvr.  I have stopped and started it many many times.  Most of the time to overwhelmed by how close it hit to home to finish it.  Today I finally finished it, and I am so glad I did (I am also just as glad I read the book before watched it).  I thought it was nothing short of brilliant.  It showed perfectly the way she thinks, and how much she fought to be heard, and understood.  Going through her many symbolic doors, to a new world and new challenges.  It is very inspiring, not just for those with Autism, but us "normal" folk as well.

I have spend the better part of this last year coming to terms with Harry's Autism diagnosis.  Then, even when I thought I came to terms, and I embraced it, and I decided to fight for and help Harry, I still had to come to terms with the fact that he may never be able to express the genius that is hidden inside of him.  He may never speak, or be able to explain to me how he sees things, or what his hidden passions will be.  He may never get past his sensory issues enough to be a part of everyday life, school, colleges, relationships.  This time next year Harry could be talking in sentences, asking me for things, laughing at jokes, singing songs... or he could be exactly the same.  Seeking comfort in his blankets, and being alone, and hardly ever participating with the family.  This has been something that I have really struggled with.  I can get over the little every day things, if I know where we are going to end up, but it is so hard not knowing.  I have to believe it will be something more, something great...even something "normal".  And just as much as I have to believe that, I think I also need to be okay with the fact that he may not be those things.  He may always live with us, or maybe a group home.  He may never go to college, or even a main stream school, he may never serve a mission.  We don't know.  And I think now I am okay with that.  It took awhile to get there, and some days are better than others, but we are all okay with it now.

I am really so excited for this next year.  It is going to be scary, stressful, nerve racking, and hard for all of us, BUT it also holds so much hope.  I'm excited to see how Harry is going to do it school.  I am excited to start his ABA therapy (just as soon as I find someone, I am thinking October).  I am praying for positive change, and a better understanding of my little guy.  I am excited to learn new ways to teach and help him (and hopefully more energy to do so after I have the baby).  I feel like I understand now, more than I did before, how important it is to introduce my children to as many opportunities as possible. Different ways to look at the world around them.  It seems like such a simple concept, and it was something I already knew, but I feel more ready and able to do it. (It is so hard to explain).  I pray, whole-heartedly, that I can be the Mother that my children need, meet their different needs.

So in conclusion, read the book.  Whether you know someone who is Autistic or not, whether you think you know all about it or not... I think it will change the way you see things.

Harry vs. The Babysitters

Apparently we can not leave Harry with a baby sitter any more.  

He used to be so good when we would drop him off at places, 

mostly cause we only use our friends and people the boys are comfortable with.  

However, the last couple of times we took Harry to a babysitter, he would scream the whole time.  When I went to Harry Potter a few weeks ago he spent the entire time by my friends door, screaming and banging his head on the floor.  I mostly thought he didn't like where we were taking him.  Maybe there were too many kids, or some strange thing was setting him off.  But then other day I dropped him off at my girl friends house, someone he likes a lot and sees multiple times a week, and he still cried and yelled the whole time.  He has never done that before at their house, not so much fun for them.

There is really nothing you can do when Harry decides he doesn't like something, nothing at all.  Sometimes you can bribe him with food or a change of scene, but most of the time you just have to ride the tantrum out.  And the tantrums are never pretty.  There is screaming and wailing, and gnashing of teeth.

It can be scary, and I have the bruises to prove it.

I wonder what the change has been.  

It started sometime this summer, he never had issues with sitters before. 

I wonder.... maybe he is just missing me!  Do you think???  

Is it possible that he actually likes me??  

You would think, and I hope, that he would acknowledge that he likes me when I am actually around, rather than giving me a cold shoulder all the time.  

I guess he would just rather wait, and torture the kind people who watch him, to show me his love.

Oh well.  

We don't go out that much anyway, and soon even less than we already do when the little baby comes.

 Maybe we can look for a new sitter that will come to the house, 

and maybe that will help him not be so angry when we leave.  

But for know I will just be happy to know that he likes me, even if it's just a little.

Harry's Turn

(I am almost all caught up on blogging.  Now, if I can just manage to not get behind again, I will be a super star.)

Harrison, my big boy.  My sweet boy.  Really, he is larger than life.  He is turning 3 in just couple months, and he is as big as a 4 year old.  He weighs more than Clark by almost 10 pounds, and just a couple more inches and they would be the same height.  I adore his big bluish-green eyes, and my heart melts whenever he looks at me.  He is always so curious, and thoughtful.  

Just the other night, Harry came to sleep in my bed, and we fell asleep holding hands.  I don't know if he knew I needed it, or he needed it... but it was so unbelievably sweet.  He can be so tender at times, and I really cherish those moments when he lets me in.

Sometimes, as awful as it sounds, I have a hard time thinking of good things to say about Harry.  Not because I don't love him with every single fiber of my being, or because he is a bad kid.  But I think I spend so much time concentrating on what he is and isn't doing, trying to keep him from the next tantrum, and trying to recover from all the late nights... that I forget to let him alone, and just be Harry.  

He can be so challenging, but I know he has a good heart, and he is a good kid. 

 He is so smart, we just haven't figured out how to help him express himself yet.  

Harry has grown a lot this year already.  He is much more affectionate, not really with hugs and kisses, but he will cuddle up on our laps, lay his head on us, hold our hands, and give us loves in his own special way.  He has gotten a lot better around friends, and other children.  There is still the occasional biting incident, but it is not as bad as it used to be.  It has taken about six months, but he is comfortable in nursery now, and doesn't scream every time we go to church.  And there is a small group of people (besides me and Jason) that he actually really likes, and recognizes.  He makes eye contact more readily, and sometimes I really feel like he is listening to us, and participating with family activities.

He can be so funny when we go out.  Last month when we went to DC we were walking around one of the museums, he saw this guys holding a map, and without a thought in his head he just walked up and took it.  The guy didn't even know what to say.  I was embarrassed, but I also couldn't stop laughing.  Harry just thinks everyone around him is there for his enjoyment and pleasure.  He has no shame or boundaries.  If you have something that he wants, he thinks you should give it to him :)

His joy and happiness can be so infectious.  I love when he hops around because he is excited, or he shrieks with glee when he is surprised.  I love how happy he is when he wakes up in the morning (even if it 3am, it is still cute).  I would like to think that he is happier here in Virginia, he seems so to me, and I think he has really settled into our home and community.  He has become more independent in some ways, better at asking us and telling us what he needs (even if he isn't using any words yet).  I think we have finally started figuring out Harry more... I know when he is starting to get stressed and I can help him before he losses it all and the whole day is ruined.  Also, I am starting to understand a lot of his sensory issues, and how to help him.

One of the biggest discoveries we made earlier this year was his aversion to milk and dairy.  We took him off of milk for two reasons; one, he was hopelessly addicted, it ruled his whole day and I couldn't get him to eat any real food, and two, we thought maybe it would help with his sensory issues and Autism (there has been a lot of debate whether some children with Autism, are really only showing symptoms to some sort of a food allergy).  We took him off the milk, and started giving him almond milk.  I never saw any changes in his behavior, so after a few weeks I just put him back on regular milk...and that is when all hell broke lose.  He had diarrhea, vomiting, crying all night long, more tantrums than ever... and really he just seems uncomfortable, and in pain.  We took him straight off again, and he was back to normal.  So, didn't not cure his Autism (not that I ever actually thought it would, but there was always that hope in the back of my mind), but we did seem to make him happier.  I'm not sure if it is a full blown allergy, since he does eat small amounts of cheese and cream from time to time, and he seems fine... maybe just lactose intolerant.  I feel so bad it took so long for us to figure it out.  He always seemed to have bowel issues, and was sick a lot (especially when he was stressed)... I just never realized how much pain he was in.  We have been trying to get him into a better pediatrician to help us out with his diet, and maybe figure out more of whats going on... but for now we are happy, that he seems a little more happy, and he is eating better.

Harry has about two more months left in the Early Intervention Program, before he STARTS SCHOOL.

It is so hard for me to believe he is starting school.  He seems much too young to me.  I am more nervous than I ever was when Clark was starting school, but I know Harry needs it a hundred times more too.  His therapy sessions have been going well.  It is so nice to have people to help me out with Harry, and give me ideas on ways to help and teach him.  He doesn't say any words yet, but he is so so close to signing, and I really believe if he wasn't so stubborn he might be a little closer :)  After six months he has also, finally, started enjoying his sessions a little more, which makes the learning process that much easier, I think.  Also, GREAT NEWS, we finally got approved for a new program that will help us pay for ABA therapy.  All I have to do now is start interviewing people and we will be ready to go.  I really believe that this is going to be so good for Harry, and I am so excited to start.

The other day I was talking to one of his new case managers (for the Echo program) and she asked me what my hopes and goals for Harry were.  And for some reason I was totally stumped.  I am sure she meant short term, over the next year or something...but I didn't know what to say.  Goals??  There are a million things I wish he could and would do, same goes for Clark.... and Jason too. 

Sure, it would be awesome if he could eat with a fork, or sit for longer than 3 minutes (currently one of his goals in sitting for 3 minutes to participate in a group activity, hahaha, he can maybe last maybe 90 seconds).  I would love it if he didn't bang his head on the floor, or smack his head every time he was upset.  I would be thrilled beyond all reason if he slept for longer than five hours every night, and didn't get up at 3 am every morning.  I knew she meant something small like that, something that she could track and document, but for some reason I couldn't think of one single thing.

 How can I narrow down all the things I want for Harry to just a simple answer like that? 

My hopes for Harry are so much more.  I hope he feels safe and secure.  That he can find something he can, and wants to do.  I hope that he will never feel limited by a diagnosis that he gets, or what other people tell him.  Selfishly, I hope his love for books continues to grow, I would to have a reading buddy to share all my books and thoughts with.  I want to be able to have a conversation with my son, whether is is talking, signing, or even writing... I want to know him, and what's going on in his head.  

My greatest hope for Harry is that he will be happy, truly happy.

And really isn't that what we all want for our kids. 

I am so thankful that he was sent to our family.  As challenging as his personality can be, the tantrums, and the staying up all night long, I couldn't imagine my life without him... nor would I ever want to.  

I pray everyday that I can be the mother that he needs.  

Wordless Wednesday-That is sure a funny way to sleep, Harry.

April 28, 2011

Who needs a bed???

Apparently, not Harry.

Lines.

Harry playing outside in the puddles.

He sure can be a really happy boy when he wants to be, I love when he shows off his personality.

Lately he likes to line up things, everywhere... it is kinda funny.

Lining up the magnets on the fridge.  He was really mad he couldn't fit the alien one on the right way,

 he ended up throwing them all on the floor.

Lining up his toy magnets from Nana.

You can always tell where Harry has been in the house, the evidence is in the lines... of things.

All his animals in a row.

Lining up his books.

There is always, always, a line of books somewhere near his room.  

We don't even pick them up anymore.

Lining up his dvds... and Jason wonders why they don't play without skipping, LOL.

I mentioned this to his therapist the other day, not that I see it as a problem or anything... mostly just curious.  And she said that since Harry has such a hard time processing the things around him, organizing his toys or the little things around the house, helps him make sense of things, and calm him down when maybe he might be feeling stressed or over stimulated.  This might also be the reason he likes books so much, all those letters and words, organized in nice little rows.

Well Harry, whatever works little dude, whatever makes you happy.  

Hopefully someday we can find a way to help him with all his sensory issues, but until then I just want him to be happy, and feel safe and secure in his home.

Easter Weekend

Easter Weekend April 23-24, 2011

The Saturday before Easter we had a nice little party, and Easter Egg Hunt, at our house for our friends. But before we could stuff the eggs with candy, and eat the tasty BBQ pork I made, we had to get Harry back from the cops.  Yep, you heard me right.  He ran away again, or rather, this time he was let out the house (by Clark) and wandered down the street.  This is the third time he has wandered off, but by far the scariest, cause we had no idea he was ever gone.  With our guest showing up, and kids running around in the back yard, I had no idea Clark even opened up the front door for Harry.  Luckily people were out and about, and some neighbors got to Harry before he went into the  busy intersection.  Since they didn't know which house Harry came from, they called the cops... and well the cops finally came to us.  I was/am mortified, embarrassed, angry.... and relieved that he was okay, and nothing more serious happened.  The cops were really understanding, once they understood the situation, and the rest of the afternoon went off without a hitch.  The cop did make some ridiculous comment about how Harry didn't recognize him as a police officer and a person of authority, and I laughed and said, "Well, I'm sorry.  But Harry doesn't even really recognize me as his Mother... so I can't really help you there... nor do I care".

Since then Clark has let Harry out the yard one other time, out the side gate I didn't even know he could open.  Harry does pretty well not wandering away, as long as we can keep Clark from letting him out, so we are now locked down like a prison, bolts and locks on everything.  

Everyday I think about how bad both those situations could've ended, someone could've taken Harry, he could've wandered into the busy intersection...my whole life could've been over in a matter of seconds.  I am thankful someone was watching out for my family, and protecting my child, when I couldn't...or didn't.  We have definitely have learned our lesson.  Also, we are now"that family" on the block, all my neighbors think I am a crap Mom, and talk over the fence to each other about it...ugh, they suck.

Anyway, back to our awesome Easter weekend.  

After a rather tasty lunch, the Dads hid all the eggs around the yard for the kiddies to find.

Harry found a few eggs, but mostly just wanted to open them up and eat the candy inside.

Clark had a lot of fun finding the eggs, but just like Harry, he wanted to open each one to see what was inside before he would go find another one.

Cute little Porter, Clark's best friend.

I'm so glad we have such nice friends, and enough friends to have a fun party for our kids, we are so lucky.  It is so wonderful to live in an area where we really feel like we belong, 

and we have a "far away from home family".

Clark finding his basket Easter morning.  He was super excited about his Star Wars eggs.

Harry was only interested in the books in his Easter basket, 

I think it is safe to say he had a pretty good morning.

Clark was THRILLED to get a little Star Wars Lego kit, to build planes. 

He loved building them with his Dad, he was in heaven.

Enjoying his book, so serious.

The finished plane.

I wish I had a nice little picture of us dressed up in our Sunday clothes, but alas my babies do not like looking anywhere near a camera, and I didn't want to be late for church....maybe next year.

Holidays are much more meaningful to me, now that I have a family.  I hope I did a good job teaching and explaining to the boys the real significance of Easter.  I am so thankful for the Atonement and Resurrection of Jesus Christ, my brother.  And I am thankful for the knowledge and testimony that I have, that my family can be together forever.

I love Easter time!

Eating Cupcakes

How do you eat a cupcake?  

Harry has his own special method, its quite messy, but he seems to like it, and it works for him.

First he likes to get to know the cupcake,

 mushing is around in his hands, taking it apart, smelling it,

deconstructing it bit by bit.

He takes special care in eating the icing.

Slowly, savoring each lick and bite.

Finally, after the cupcake is gone, he licks all his fingers, 

making sure no crumb gets left behind.

It may take awhile, but he knows how to get the job done.

Vegetables!

January 18, 2011- Months and months ago, I've been lazy.

Harry covered in pasta sauce.

Harry making a huge mess... 

Totally worth it though, since the pasta I made was filled with veggies, and he ate them all!

 Every single one! And the sausage along with it.

Harry is my pickiest eater, for months all I could get him to eat was pretzels and nuggets.  Lately he has been doing much better.  He will eat chicken, even if it is not deep fried in batter, as long as I smother it in barbecue sauce.  He eats veggies if I cook them in pasta or baked ziti.  He eats hot dogs, and sometimes even cheese.  Still not the most balanced diet, but we are getting there.  Last night he ate every single thing on his plate, homemade mac and cheese, baked chicken and a roll (he never! eats bread).  I'm not sure what has changed.  Maybe it's because I don't let him snack as much, and I do feed him much smaller portions of his favorite foods.  We have also switched him from drinking whole milk to skim milk, and now even to Almond milk (to see if maybe it would help with some of his sensory issues, and Autism- its not really).  Not sure... maybe it is just time, and continually putting food in front of his face.  Either way I am happy with the change, however small, and I hope and pray he keeps it up.

He makes me laugh, he has the cutest expressions sometimes.

Flashback Friday- I miss Hawaii

January 22, 2010

Can you believe this is where we were a year ago today?

Walking the beaches, in the winter, just because we could.

I wish we had a couple grand lying around so we could hop on a plane with the boys,

 and enjoy the beach again.  Enjoy the bright sun, and warm breeze. 

 I know they would both be so excited.  Clark doesn't talk about it, but I know he misses certain things about Hawaii.  Sometimes when he gets on his bus for school, he seems disappointed, looking for his other school friends. And he always get so excited when he sees the ocean, he is my little water baby.

As much as I am loving having a real winter here in Virginia, with snow and cold rain,

it is hard being stuck inside so much.  We are not used to it.

I never thought I would be one of those people begging for Summer to come, and complaining about the cold weather, but I am counting down the days until Spring.

So we can go back to the beach.

Freedom!!

We are pacifier free!!!

Harry has been without his for 2 whole days now.

The last couple nights have been a little rough, it takes him so much longer to go to sleep now.

(But, he pretty much has insomnia 80% of the time anyways, so I am used to it.)

I am proud of my little guy.  He is growing up so fast.

Wordless Wednesday-Quiet Time With Harry

This is why I love Harry.

You know that moment of terror, when you realize the kids are being too quiet...

When you try to remember the last time they stormed through the room, or you asked you for something.

I hate those moments. 

They are normally followed by me sending Clark to time out, 
and cleaning up some ridiculous mess, while silently crying to myself.  

But NOT with Harry!

He is never doing anything naughty.  Never.

He is such a good little boy.

Sure, he does bad things, like biting kids in nursery, or trying to climb on the stove to take all the burners apart.  But never those crazy type Clark messes, like poop on the walls, or baby powder everywhere.

Mostly I just find him quietly reading his books.

Today after my workout (yes, you heard that right, a workout) I found that he put himself to sleep, in his bed, all cuddled up with his blankies.  

Sometimes it makes me sad that he is so independent, he hardly acts like he needs me -or even likes me.  Its just his age, I guess.  I mean, I know he needs me, who else is going to wash his sippy cup, and reach the pretzels for him.  I just can't wait for him to love me, or even just like me a lot.

 But how cute is it that he just loves to read all day.  

I love that he loves to read, I love it so much!!!

ps. Oh, I forgot.  Harry does like to do one very naughty thing.  He pulls all my books from the shelf, and bends the pages.  Two shelves of paperback books, all over the floor, 499 times a day.  Some days I don't even bother picking them up, because I know in 30 seconds he is just going to do it all again.  Bad Harry!

Primary Bound

Today I was going to write a long sad post about Clark's first Sunday in Primary, as a Sunbeam.  I was going to lament about my little baby growing up too fast, and how I am going to miss him every Sunday in nursery (even though I probably won't).  BUT, due to some changes in our Primary presidency, everything was a bit disorganized, and it looks like I will have him (and the other kids his age) back in nursery for a few weeks.  (They honestly marched the new kids OUT of primary, back into nursery!!!)  It makes me sad.  I was really looking forward to taking him to his new class, and we've been talking up singing time and Primary for months.  He was so ready.  I know it is not a big deal, but it was a meaningful step that I had been looking forward too.  I will be the first to admit that I am overly sentimental, but he is my first baby after all.   Clark and I have been talking about being a Sunbeam a lot lately.  He loves to sing Jesus Wants Me For a Sunbeam over and over when I give him a bath, besides the Alphabet song, it is his favorite.  I can't wait for him to start learning all the primary songs, and I just know he is going to enjoy his time there so much.  Next Sunday will be better, I know it will all work out, and I am not too worried about it.  I'm just disappointed things didn't go my way... as they always should right, LOL.  (Maybe I need to add, NOT being such a control freak to my New Years resolutions.)

Harry is doing so well in nursery.  Sure, he steals every ones snacks, and he bit a kid today, but it is a great big improvement from what it was last year.  He actually plays along side the other children now, and doesn't whine and cry the whole time.  We still can't get him to sit through Sacrament Meeting.... he immediately starts to cry as soon as we enter the chapel.  I don't know what it is, but every Sunday it is the same thing.  If I am lucky enough to get him to sit with me, he will cry during every song.  He really hates it when we all sing as a congregation, it would make me laugh if it wasn't so annoying.

It makes me happy that my boys like to go to church.  Clark squealed with glee today as we pulled into the church parking lot, "I found it, Mom!, I found it".  I didn't know we lost it.  I guess it had been a couple weeks since we went to church, since last Sunday was a snow day (for reals).  I don't want him to ever grow out of his excitement for church, and learning about Jesus Christ.

Clark's First Day of School... again.

December 13, 2010

Isn't he such a goof ball, I love his big cheesey smile.

He was (and is everyday) so excited to go to school.  

He was rushing me out the door, and very insistent that he was taking the bus, and I was not to drive him in the "ban".

He has a smile to die for.  I love my cute little boy, and I am so proud of him.

As hard as it is to watch my kids grow up and leave the nest, so to speak, it is exciting and freeing at the same time.  I miss Clark when he is at school, and want him to be around me.  I hate not knowing what he is doing every minute of the day.  I want to keep him safe, and protect him from mean kids, scary things, the big bad world outside my front door.  But, I know this is the best thing for him.  The structure and learning of the classroom, and friendships he makes are so helpful for his development.  He learns so much faster and better in this type of environment, way better than I could ever do at home... it's the peer pressure I think.  It has only been a couple days, and I can already see an improvement with his talking, and the way he listens to me.  I am really hoping that being at school will help with his potty training too!

So yea, its hard for me to watch him go everyday...
but its -oh so good- at the same time, good for all of us.

Waiting for the bus!

Leaving on the bus... he loves that his bus has a happy face on it.
He was not afraid to leave me at all, so ready for his next adventure.
I love how confident and independent he is.  So brave, so strong.
I hope and pray he will never loss these qualities.

Do you want to know what Harry was doing while we were outside waiting for the bus?

Spilling the bag of mini M&Ms (I had reserved for baking), and spreading them all over the living room floor.

(Four days later I am still finding mini M&Ms on the floor.)

ps. It was snowing on his first day of school!  He thought is was a special Christmasy treat, just for him.

Wordless Wednesday

-Sleepy Harry 11-16-10-

Daddy's Watch

Harry loves to play with Jason's watches.

The first thing he does when he sees Jason everyday, 

is run up to him, and check his arms for a watch.

Then he jumps up and down, begging, until Jason lets him play with it.

He loves to squish them in his hands, roll them, manipulate them.

For hours.  

It has been a great way to keep him quiet, when needed.

He is so cute and thoughtful.

I wish I could get inside his head, and see what he is thinking about,

watch his mind work... figure out his mystery.

Happy (Late) Birthday Harry!!!

For Harry's 2nd birthday we took him to Chuck E. Cheese.
It was a little crowded and loud, so he was a little unsure most of the time,
but I think he had a good time.

Daddy took him around to play games.

He loved riding the carousel, and playing the driving video games the most.

After some pizza, soda, and games we headed home for cupcakes and ice cream.

Singing Happy Birthday :)

He wanted to touch the candle flame so badly, Jason had to hold him back.

(Do you see how excited Clark is in the back round, I am surprised he was not right up in Harry's face.)  I made Harry chocolate cupcakes, with chocolate icing (my boys really love chocolate),

 and I put Harry's favorite Reese's Pieces candy on top.

He opened his presents (or rather I did for him), 

and thanks to Nana, and Daddy, he got a lot of books.

He loves to read so much, and spends hours flipping through the pages of his favorite books.

(We also got him a red Coupe Car, but he isn't too keen on it, he would rather have the books.)

This is his concentrating, or reading face.

He gets so into the words and pictures, I love watching him, and reading with him.

(Now for the obligatory blast to the past, were I morn the loss of my tiny little babies, 

and try to come to grips with them growing  WAY TOO FAST.)

Harry was -and still is- the sweetest little baby ever.  He would -and still will- spend hours cuddling with me and Jason.  He loves to be held and hugged, and rocked in my chair.  Most nights before he goes to bed we will spend an hour or so rocking in the chair, reading or watching tv, he loves to nuzzle his face close to mine so I will give him kisses.  I love that he is so affectionate.  He went through a phase when he was younger, where he didn't like to be held or touched, I am so glad that is over.

Little Harry, about 4 months old.

I loved that big baby smile.  He always makes me smile, no matter how bad a day we are having.

He was always so deliciously chunky.  I don't know how I managed to carry him around everywhere.

We went to a doctors appointment last month and he is still at 90% for his height and weight, 

he is a little over 3 feet tall and 39 pounds.  I have a feeling it is just going to be a matter of time before he is towering over me.

Harry, just over 1 years old, and so very happy.

Harry, 14 months old.  This reminds me of Harry's outside phase, he had for the first 18 months of his life.  He always wanted to be outside, just had to be outside (!), exploring, and collecting his sticks and leaves.  He has calmed down some lately, but still loves to play outside.

(I feel like I restrained myself some, there were so many little baby pictures I wanted to post.)

October 2, 2010- Enjoying his birthday cup cake.

Dear Little Nugget (we are trying not to call you fatty nugget anymore, we don't want you to have a complex when you are older),

These past two years have gone by so fast, like they always will.  I have loved getting to know you, and your sweet spirit, you really do bring a spirit of peace into our family.  I love the funny little games you play, and how much you love to read.  I love that you finally seem to becoming more of who you are going to be, even though it has been a slow road.  You are so good at letting me know what you want, even if you don't talk yet.  You have come up with some pretty creative, and silly ways to tell me you want some milkies, like trying to give the sippy cup to my feet (instead of my hands).  You love to take apart things, which is hard to love when I am always fixing and cleaning up messes, but I do love how curious you are.  Your love of going outside and visiting your favorite places (like the mall, or the playground) is so contagious, and I know I am always going to have a good time when we hang out.  I also really love how well behaved you are (for the most part) when we go out, you always hold mine and your Daddy's hand so well in busy places...
well except for the one really scary time when you wandered off.

(Oh, I didn't tell you about that.  I was shopping, and Jason was playing with the boys at the mall in Hawaii.  Harry wandered off, and for 20 terrifying minutes we couldn't find him.  Twenty heart stopping minutes!  I was a hot mess, crying and running around like a nut.  We finally found him, on the OTHER side of the mall, UPSTAIRS! Worst day of my life so far. )

You can be pretty serious, you always have a plan, and you like your routine (even if it's a crazy routine I can't figure out).  You love to be tickled.  I can't even count how many times a day you come up to me so I can tickle your cheeks and neck, you love it, and you have the best laugh.  You love cartoons and listening to music.  Lately we have noticed how much you love watching the credits at the end of a movie.  You will hop up and down in excitement when they come on, and watch the entire scroll go by, it is kinda silly Harry.

Sometimes I am consumed with how many things you aren't doing yet, or things I am afraid you will never do.  I have to admit that when you were diagnosed with Autism earlier this summer I was scared, scared for you, for us.  But I have loved getting to know you all over again, and I understand you so much better because of it.  Before I wouldn't understand a tantrum, or your lack of attention to certain things (like your family or friends), but we are slowly figuring each other out.  You have made vast improvements this summer, HUGE.  You make eye contact with people more often, and you have started to play with your brother on occasion.  You seem less lost in your own little world, and more apart of ours... I think leaving Hawaii and going on our family road trip helped so much.
You make more sounds and noises now, some that have even resembled talking!  

In general you just seem to be more happy. 

Some of your favorite things are; Mickey Mouse  and Walle cartoons, fries, milk, chocolate, and books, books, books.  You love your special Walle blanket (thankfully we had a back up one, when Daddy lost your first one over the summer).  You love to play chase with Clark, and recently you have discovered the joys of bath time.  You love dancing in the kitchen and jumping on Mommies bed.  You don't love having your hair washed, or going to church, but you do love being with your family.  You love when we are all home together hanging out, and I love to see how excited you get everyday when Daddy comes home from work.

I hope you had a fun birthday!  I am really look forward to this coming year!

 I can't tell you how much I love the little boy you are becoming.  You have taught me so much this last year, about myself, and being a Mom, and I thank you for opening my eyes.  I know we still have a few hard roads up ahead, but I know I can do it, with you, for you,
because I love you.

Happy 2nd Birthday, my sweet little boy.

A couple more reading pictures, just because I think he is so darned cute then he is looking at his books.