March 30, 2010

Postponed...

I had a meeting with WECS (Windward Early Childhood Services, the same group that helped with Clark's speech therapy, and getting him into school) yesterday... for Harry.  At the last minute I canceled.  I am telling myself it was becasue I HAD to keep Clark home from school, he really did have bad cough and was up a lot the night before.  
BUT, I think, I know, it was for another reason as well.  I am scared to take Harry in to get evaluated.  I don't want them to tell me how behind he is, and all the things that are wrong with him.  I don't want them to tell me he is... Autistc.  
I just want him to wake up tomorrow morning laughing, because something REAL is funny, not because he is off in some imaginary world.  I want him to play WITH me, or Clark, or anyone.  I want him to LOOK at me when I say, good morning baby.  I want him to be HERE, not off in that secret place that he goes.  I want to get to know the real Harry, not this imposter baby that seems to have moved into our house.
I totally believe in early intervention, I have seen it help other children, even my own little Clark.  I know it will help us out, I KNOW Harry will prosper with their care and advice.  I just want one more week of hoping that my little Harry will come back, one more week of pretending nothing is wrong and he is just a little behind.  
One more week of ignorance.  

3 comments:

Emma and Cody said...

If playing by yourself and living in an imaginary world mean that you are Autistic, than I am and most of the people I know are. In fact there may be 2 people that I know who are not like that! All boys are slower. It is a fact. Yes Harry might be slower than normal, but Clark was. And he may be slower in more things than Clark was, but that still doesn't mean he is Autistic! I think it is good to get him checked, but I also think you are stressing over nothing. I am not saying he doesn't have it. But a lot of very smart people were really reserved like that. Cody played by himself ALL the time when he was little. And it wasn't just because he only had sisters. Some kids just like to play by themselves. I only come out in the real world when Cody makes me! And maybe he has an imaginary friend. There is nothing wrong with that. Remember the movie Heart and Souls where little Robert Downey JR's character had ghosts that followed him around? Maybe Harry just has some guardian angels that hang out all the time. And if you were beat up for the first 2 yrs of your life, you would either go crazy and hit everyone, or learn how to play by yourself. I know that you have seen it first hand and that makes you more nervous, but you also need to see the other side and realize that you are raising the next Steve Jobs. And start planning how your going to spend your allowance he is going to give you! I say a house in Scottland and England. Plus San Fran, Hawaii, Mexico, New Zealand, New York, and anywhere else you see fit. Love ya and don't worry it could be worse. You could be raising a Sheldon and have to be figuring out how to pay for college rather than just sending Clark to preschool!

Jenni said...

That post made me cry. Everything is going to be ok April!! Both your boys are amazing and they have an amazing mother!

Rachael Grotegut said...

This made me all teary. I love you April. I am so so sorry you are going through this. I was so wrapped up in the sorrow of Gavin's delays for so long. John used to drink himself to sleep because we felt it was a pit of despair. It was the worst thing that could happen to us. As the months went by though, it just became life. A life I loved. A little boy I couldn't imagine any other way. It gets so much better than this.
Harry is going to be fine April. Whether he is autistic or not I know he is going to do great things. Just look at Gavin. He is the most amazing person I know. Autism is shitty. But it doesn't have to be a life sentence.
If you need anything please let me know!