June 02, 2010


It comes in waves.  The melancholy, the sadness, the excitement, the joy, and the wonder of it all...
These past few weeks in the Bosko house have been an emotional roller coaster, to say the least.  It seems like it is one thing after another, it is nothing we can't handle, but still give a Mom a break.

We will be innocently driving down the street, singing abc's with Clark (or Poker Face, his new favorite song, don't ask why, he just loves it) and it will hit all of the sudden, bam! we are moving, all the way across the country.  No more driving down the coast for shave ice, no more beautiful weather all year around, no more snorkeling and holidays spent barbecuing on the beach.  We are leaving this place, this wonderful place where we started our family.  And then as quickly as it comes (the sadness) it leaves again, with a new found excitement for our next grand adventure.  Out of all the places Jason and I have lived, this feels the most like our home, and it is hard to imagine raising our family in any other place.  However, we know there is a reason (unbeknownst to us, right now) that we were sent to Virginia.  And then it hits us again, bam! we are moving, across the country, and we are all a twitter with plans and excitement.  We will be able to be closer to friends we haven't seen in years, and there are so many new and wonderful things the boys will get to experience.  Trading our sweet little Hawaiian life, for something new and different, is scary, bittersweet and exciting, all at the same time... right now though, its leaving me mostly tired.
Much like the waves of emotions that are coming with all the changes and moving, I am still reeling from Harry's recent diagnosis.  Life seems to go on like normal all around us, and for whole days I will forget that Harry is Autistic.  Then he will do something, something funny that maybe everyone else will laugh about, but I know it is one of his symptoms, and while everyone is laughing and saying how cute he is, I get sad and scared.  Sure it is funny now, when he is still a toddler, but is it still going to be funny when he is 10, 11, 13.  There are moments of disappointment when people don't treat him the same as the other kids in the room, and of confusion as I try to digest all the massive amounts of information being thrown my way, and gratitude for all the people that are helping my little Harry.  I struggle with the details; should I tell people, do they really need to know, and why should I hide it anyway-there is nothing really wrong with him, should I make excuses for him when he does things or explain it away... it is still so new.  With the sadness, and frustration, there is also hope.  Hope in the things I know he can do, and soon will do.  Joy in his laughter.  Success and relief in conquering all the little every day things, that build up so fast.  Hope for his future, and for the whole family.
From exciting promotions (yea Jay), to last minute changes with our move, to packing and planning, to the millions of appointments for Harry, and saying good bye to friends and our sweet little Hawaiian life, to chores galore (seriously, trying to stay up on house work right now is killing me), I don't know how we are keeping up.  Family vacation time is right around the corner!
There is JOY in the journey, right.  It may be sad and hard and stressful at times, but in the end it is worth it, and there is joy and my happy little family.  And as long as I got them, it is all good.